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The most important relationship you have is the relationship with yourself

The nature of your relationship with yourself is reflected in how you treat yourself emotionally, physically, socially, sexually, behaviourally, intellectually and spiritually.

Relationship counselling/mentoring is about realising again what you know deep down: that what another person says or does tells you only about them and what you say or do reveals only how you feel about yourself.

When we get our feelings hurt as children we bury that knowledge unconsciously because to speak it might cause more upset.

Consequently, as adults, we are not always conscious of what is going on within us. We project out our feelings onto another in the hope that someone will notice our distress and helps us make sense of it.

When you become conscious of who you really are, you feel full rather than empty and life feels different. Your relationships become easy because you’re at ease with yourself. All the parts of yourself that you hid away begin to emerge, your passions, your voice, your assertiveness, your courage, your motivation, your ability to relax, your belief in yourself, your intelligence in all areas, and you begin to realise that the things you find attractive in another were within yourself all along.

Now your sense of self deepens and becomes more solid; your relationships with others deepen; you begin to bring your fullness, rather than your emptiness, to yourself and to all your other relationships.

I believe that human beings are too powerful and intelligent to get damaged or develop ‘disorders’; what makes more sense is that we find solutions to coping with hurt by creating responses to threats from those we are in relationship with. The responses may involve creating a way of hiding your power or your ability to love. It is always a wise creation and it is always done to enable us to survive.

The same intelligence that created such protective behaviours enables us to allow the real us to emerge as we get to know ourselves. To emerge, though, we need a feeling of safety that only a consistently supportive relationship provides.


As relationship mentors, we tend not to give advice because, as you will find, your own intelligence will give you your own answers when you give yourself the space and safety to become consciously self-aware.

I will share my own experiences and information on psychology with you. My key role is to provide you with psychological holding, safety.